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Frequently Asked Questions about W Lotion™What does the W stand for?The stands for Washington, because the lotion smells like Washington apples!Hmm, you say George Bush's middle initial is W? Well fancy that, what a coincidence! Is W Lotion really made in America?You bet your sweet ass it is!Even the bottles it comes in?Yep! The bottles are made in America from American plastic, which is produced from oil drilled in American-owned oil wells. The molds for the bottles are made in America, all the tools and equipment in the factory are 100% American, the labels are printed by American printers on American presses using all American inks produced right here in the Good Ol' U.S. of A! The glue on the back of the labels is made from American horses, and every step of the manufacturing process takes place in the heart of America's Bible Belt!But wait, there's more! All of the electricity needed to power our plants is generated in our special American power plant that burns only American oil! All pollutants stay right here in America too! Only American worksers are allowed to work in our factory, and they are kept enclosed in giant sealed domes to prevent any foreign influences from contaminating them! The air they breathe is generated by chemical decomposition of American rocks and minerals, to ensure that no French air molecules are consumed by our employees during the manufacturing process! Why does W Lotion smell like apple pie?Because we use only ripe Washington pie apples from the original apple trees planted by Johnny Appleseed himself to make the fragrance of W Lotion! And everyone knows there's nothing more true-blue All-American than good ol' Apple Pie!Where can I buy W Lotion?Unfortunately, due to extraordinarily high demand, we are temporarily out of stock. We are hoping to have our product back in stock soon, so keep checking!How should I use W Lotion?Each formulation is different. Please consult the label for specific instructions. One thing is for sure though, you better not try to do any gay stuff with it. W Lotion contains special gay detector compounds that will cause serious skin burns if any homos try to use it.What are the special ingredients in W Lotion?The water used in manufacturing is triple-distilled from American springs. The moisturizing ingredients in our formulations are extracted from the blood of American bald eagles, carefully shot with American-made ammunition fired by Certified NRA members using American-made firearms. Our emollients are produced from the bodily secretions of the most pure and chaste mid-western small town cheerleaders, and our skin protectants are made from Charlton Heston's ear wax! How much does it cost for shipping?Who cares? If you're a Republican, you can afford it!Why is this stuff so expensive?Only a liberal would ask such a stupid question! Collecting the dewy sweat from the brows of virginal cheerleaders is time consuming and expensive. And with Bill Clinton running around humping everything in the northern hemisphere in a skirt, virgins are harder to find than ever. But have no fear, we're hoping to have the new Mark IV sweat extractor up and running soon, which should allow us to extract six times the perspiration from each cheerleader! We'll drain those virgins dry in no time!W Lotion™ is America's Hand Lotion |